May 3rd, 2011

 "Loving Emma Grace"

Forever and Always to be Remembered

2/4/10 to 7/11/11

Today is a difficult day for myself as a "Heart Mom"  see one year ago today on May 3rd, 2011 we had to do one of the hardest things for a parent to do. On this day one year ago our lives were changed FOREVER, they will never be the same!  We had to hand our precious daughter to the surgeons who would be doing her Open Heart Surgery repair.  I was absolutely terrified and apprehensive about just handing her over to some unfamiliar face to her and not knowing the outcome.  Even though both of our families and Pastor of our church spent the seven hours it took to make the repairs there with us supporting us and her. It was the most terrifying day I've ever had to face.  Before she was called back to pre-op we spent our time in the waiting room with our Pastor and his daughter who had come to support us. Once we got back to pre-op it was overwhelming emotions and thoughts of turning back but as a parent we had to make the decision because we were told there were no other options she would not survive without the surgery and the odds were 98% to the good, only 2% chance that things could go wrong.  All I could do was just lay down beside her and hold her and comfort her while praying.   Wow 98% chance of a good outcome, what parent wouldn't choose to help their child with these odds.  Little did we know that 69 days later she would subcomb and fall into that 2% that don't make it.  56 days in the hospital and 2 weeks at home with hospice was our reality once the surgery was complete.  The bottom picture is how she returned back to us after 7 hours of surgery and another hour of them getting her settled in her room in the PICU at KY Children's Hospital before we could see her again.  I know this is probably disturbing to some to see a child in this setting but this was our reality and all the other Heart Parents out there who have been through the same grueling process.  Never could I have imagined that a year later after the initial surgery that I would be remembering this day without my daughter to ever hold again.  We had 17 precious months with her and in that short time she accomplished more than any adult I've ever known, she brought more family and friends to God and touched people in such a special way that only the touch of a special Angel sent here on earth could do.  I'm thankful for the time we had with her because I learned so many lessons in that short time as well, plus she brought my family to a wonderful church and Awesome church family.  She is the reason I can now say praise God I will see her again as I gave my heart to God, and if not for him we would have never survived the trying year it has been.  I'm not saying it's easy by any means, our lives were altered forever and not one day goes by that I don't long to hold her again, but I do have the promise of holding her again because of my salvation.  Until then I'll keep holding on and hoping to keep my trust in God to make it through.  I have two other healthy children so I am blessed and I see her through her twin everyday! Two of my favorite songs are "It'll be worth it after all" and "I Wouldn't Take Nothing for My Journey Now."  I hope these links work so that someone else may get a blessing from them.  These thoughts and words in these songs are what helps me to make it through some days.      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=et9nww9XBzo      As   ALWAYS  "LOVING EMMA GRACE"        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9xcjE0a5niY&feature=related